Dead?

The police found her body.
Her body when she was dead.
Who, none did know.
But blood did flow.
Her blood, when she was dead.

The doctor felt her pulse.
Her pulse, which was as dead.
And with a twist
He turned her wrist.
Her wrist, which she had bled.

They called her parents.
Her parents who had fed.
There broke a cry.
Many throats turned dry.
Turned dry, on her death-bed.

Then friends were called.
Her friends; and tears each did shed.
Told when they lived and laughed.
How did this happen instead!
Her death; and why she was dead?

The parents were questioned.
Her parents still filled with shock and dread.
Then friends and familiars, then strangers too.
None of them, no one had a clue.
No clue, what made her bled.
But blood did flow
And so did life.
The life around her.
The life, when she was dead.

                                                                                              – Nandish Malhotra

In Love…Over & Over Again.

Maybe the fire wasn’t enough

To keep things burning.

And it required just a puff

For which both were yearning.

But my heart wasn’t cold

As I am told

Over & over again.

Maybe you’ll get married

To a rich man, one day.

And I’ll be just another.

If in some gathering

Our eyes meet, yet again…

Or we do cross each other,

I expect to see that familiar touch.

But nothing too much

To attract everyone’s attention.

Nor do I want a mention…

Of the acquaintance we had,

The times we spent

And how we were mad!

In Love…over & over again.

                                                       -Nandish Malhotra

An Innocent Gesture.

25.1

My friends and I often used to dine out on Wednesdays. As a routine habit, we went out that Wednesday too. There we were…the 3 of us seated on a cycle-rickshaw. A discussion was going on about the 2 dazzling sisters from Kashmir. They had recently joined Thapar and were pursuing BCA. And around a hundred boys were pursuing them. Both of them had striking features and it was hard to say who was more beautiful. But the best thing was that they were like ‘Cadbury Dairy Milk Shots’. Whenever one was seen, the other could be spotted right at her side.

Yaar…samajh ni aata kisko dekhun. Dimaag khraab kar deti hain dono hi! ” said Mohit, for the umpteenth time this week. He was sure that God had answered his prays and sent his lady-luck at the right place, at the right time. It was our final year. We had all the time for wooing girls. Both of us were placed and trying our luck in the wee days left in college. Unlike us, our third companion was well-behaved and never talked about girls. So, I won’t talk about him too.

We had reached close to Heavens restaurant. I asked the rickshaw puller to halt to one side to get my mobile recharged.

I entered the recharge shop and recited my mobile number. I asked him to make the recharge before 9 p.m. and he winked an approval. I gave him a toothy grin and made my way out of his shop. As soon as I pulled the glazed door open a set of beautiful eyes met mine. Her face was fully veiled in her black dupatta. We looked at each other for full 1 second and then I left mesmerized. I overheard her, reciting her number to the shopkeeper and made a mental note.

Kya dekh rha tha bhai aakhen faad faad ke? ” shouted Mohit.

Uss ladki ko…abey aankhen bahut sundar hain uski, ” I said turning red.

Bhai chitkabri hai…haath ni dekhe tune, ” he continued nonchalantly.

I hopped back on the rickshaw without responding. I had noticed the girl’s mother waiting right behind us on her scooter. Besides this, something told me that both the girl and her mother had heard Mohit’s comment. I wanted to disappear out of sight and asked the rickshaw puller to paddle fast.

Preety…chaliye, ” suggested her mom.

Hanji Mumma aaii, ” Preety answered respectfully.

***

It was 12 o’clock and I still couldn’t sleep. It was not the cream chicken which was keeping me awake. It was something else. I can’t sleep with a troubled mind. I felt guilty of making Preety and her mom feel horrible that evening. 9888****** the number was still fresh in my memory. Without giving a second thought I touched my keypad multiple times and dialled a message.

I tapped on the ‘Send’ option and hid in my blanket. I was afraid, I don’t know why. After 1 long minute, I heard a buzz on my mobile.

‘Thanks a lot. No one has ever appreciated me before!’ was her reply. I scrolled up to read my message.

‘Preety you have the darkest and prettiest pair of eyes I have ever seen (boy at the recharge shop, our eyes met at the shop entrance…8 p.m.).’

Excited at the quick response, I decided to send another message.

“No buddy…it is wrong.” said my inner voice. I had no option but to listen. I always listen to what my heart says. Rolling up my blanket once again, I closed my eyes. There was a serene smile on my face and I dreamed and slept in contentment.

Why So Curious?

24.1

Hi Parents and Parents to be!

One parenting tip – Don’t ever…ever and never kill the curiosity of your child. That’s it. Read on.

I had always been an average kid with high levels of curiosity. Most of my under-ten-year-old time was spent observing nature, questioning it and staying confused for days together. A frail, little boy with dark, skinny knees. That would be an adequate description of me, 12 years back. Post the school hours, I would often be spotted sitting in the garden, bending to take a closer look at the ants. I would supply them with crumbs of food waste or even finger nails and would see where they would take it. Magnifying glass was a possession which I truly treasured. Once I scraped glue-like substance oozing from our mango tree, took one dry mango leaf from the same and applied glue to one half. Focussing light on both halves one after another, I gloated over simple findings. Toy car motors were another fascination! Pieces of curved plastic acted as drill bits. The assembly of both created the perfect mini drill machine. During all this, my dog watched over…uninterested. He was sure that I was as dumb as he was. The only difference was in thrill levels. He had the upper hand on each occasion. I feel very proud when I slate down the following. He killed many birds, chameleons, rats and squirrels. Occasionally he entrapped mongooses too. Once he also pawed a cat. Luckily, he left all bodies for post mortem, as it is. He waited for his master to come and pat him for providing ‘fresh’ test objects. I specifically say fresh because they didn’t stink. Together we used to examine all the body parts. I used to start from the eyes, pull the cheeks to make out the teeth pattern. Next we poked and peeped into the ears and nose. The modifications of each test animal were juxtaposed against our own sense organs and body parts. In certain cases, they matched more with mine than his. Nails/claws and paws were the last activity on the list. Then I would happily dispose of the poor animal before my mom would get angry at me.

I would gather ice cubes from the refrigerator and place them on top of ants- those big, black ones. They would squeeze under the weight and after a minutes time, lock into a position. Even after lifting the ice cube, they would remain still. After another minute or so, they would be up and moving as if nothing happened. This experiment taught me 2 things- one, they were cold-blooded, two, they could manage 100 times their own weight on top of them. Many a time, my mom left me alone at home. I liked solitude too. We have this almirah at home with mirrors at all 3 sides and top. I would press my face against the mirror and stare deep into my eyes. Within 3-4 minutes I could see planets and the entire solar system. Geography was new as a subject in class 3 and the middle plastic page in the book binding was that of the planets. This was surely an after effect of over imagination.

Forest Research Institute was close by. We used to go there to play cricket, table tennis and badminton. On my way, I pocketed everything which caught my attention. It could be a simple pebble, a bird’s feather, flower buds…anything. We didn’t have google to kill the curiosity. I would ponder over the collected object for hours sometimes. Another fact, I didn’t have a mobile phone till 1st year of college so obviously ‘hard’ copies were required. Now I click photos of the latter. My dad had brought home a nice pair of binoculars from the ship. In summer vacations, I liked bird watching. Our neighbouring doctor has huge 40 ft tall trees where queer birds come at early hours of the day. Now I watch birds without feathers. Use of binoculars would now seem too rude and make me conspicuous.

I spent most of my childhood in confusion and awe. I didn’t understand things easily, didn’t google much and most of my teachers thought me to be bemused most of the time. With age and passing classes, I started getting answers in Biology and Environment classes. I liked both my teachers. No one bothered to watch me over, no one called me inside, when I was in my garden outside. My brother was rarely interested. He was always smarter and thought these activities to be frivolous or ‘faltu’. I used to ask him questions at night, from my study and observations. Sometimes I got the answer, sometimes not. I always kept myself in the company of seniors; bug them with my impertinent questions. They would get bored or tired of my doubts and shoo me away too sometimes. But then on the other hand, I always had my dog, the patient assistant and accomplice. He didn’t disturb me while working/examining and maintained perfect silence. Probably he wished to see me grow smarter than him, and here I am. His wish does seem to have come true! Hahahaha.

What is Pareidolia?

23.1

I am a huge, huge fan of Derren Brown. He is a true master of Magic & Hypnosis. A perfect trickster. In one of his latest shows, he covered ‘Pareidolia’ in brief. I finding it quite bemusing, decided to cover it in my next post. So here we go people.

Let’s first be familiar with the literal meaning of the term and who defines any term better than Wiki…

‘Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (often an image or sound) being perceived as significant, a form of apophenia. Common examples include seeing images of animals or faces in clouds, the man in the moon or the Moon rabbit, and hearing hidden messages on records when played in reverse.’

Simply put, Pareidolia means trying to observe patterns in everything. Attaching meaning to randomness and common happenings. Having said this, I want each one of you to pause and think…aren’t we all Pareidolic?

Superstition and Pareidolia do overlap in the Indian context. And most of us like me are born philosophers-cum-pareidolics (or think ourselves to be). Others are blind followers of superstitious beliefs. We pick up a gnarled potato and claim to see Lord Ganesha vested in it. When I was 8 years old, I accidently stepped on a black stone with white markings. My gardener told me that I had disregarded the holy Lord Shiva and would have to pay the price. I couldn’t sleep the entire night, thinking what would happen to me. I was terrified. Some days later, I observed very similar stones piled up in a rivulet bed at a resort- ‘Bhagirathi Resort’ if you are so keen to know the name. Coincidentally, the resort also had a python encaged and many tourists clicked photographs, posing around the snake. I was absolutely sure that the python would coil around my neck and choke me to death, the moment it spotted me close. To my international readers, Lord Shiva is widely seen with a snake around his neck, though it is a King Cobra; to me as an infant, snake was snake…cobra, python all alike. I couldn’t shake off my ‘ophidiophobia’ till the end of teenage. Now I can pet one…Hahahaha.

There are so many other instances which I can point out. But I want all of you to share your experiences too. Tell us about similar sightings/stories in your house/ family/ locality/ school/ college/ place of work etc. so that we can have a big compilation to go through and enjoy.

 

 

Desi Bandar: How cool we are at Aping!

22.1

I was chatting with one of my friends on Facebook, 2 days back. Earlier, he used to address me as Bhai; now Bhai was replaced by mate and this happened in 1 month. Just a month long tour could make him forget our desi lingo, I wondered… or did I encounter another ‘Desi Bandar’ again! Nevertheless, you can’t argue with friends. Especially with someone who is kind of close to you and is super-excited after his return from a foreign land. In his case, the land was Australia as most of you might have guessed.

Not targeting him in this post, I want to put forward a general ‘Indian’ viewpoint. We Indians are so willing to lose our identity every time we migrate to a foreign land. But then suddenly our identity, our Indian-ness comes hitting back when diplomats like Devyani Khobragade are strip searched and humiliated. Is the sole purpose of representation of one’s State on the shoulders of the diplomat? Don’t we have a moral obligation of representing our ‘Indian’ selves when we travel to a foreign nation so that people take us seriously?

There’s a popular phrase which goes:

‘When in Rome, do as the Romans do.’

Has anyone ever wondered what did the Romans do when they migrated to other parts of Europe? They behaved like Romans only. Why are we then always more than willing to change our lifestyles, our outlook in a foreign nation? Are we ashamed of our identity? Is belonging to an economically-developing-culturally-wealthy nation bad? Will everything Indian always be second class to say German, Japanese or American…or even if superior, would it always be looked at, with a dubious eye?

One flight to US, 1 month in the States and we are saluting the Statue of Liberty and crying when we return back. A majority of us complain about the sorry state of administration, the widespread corruption and what not. Let me take a wonderful example of ‘Bandarpana’ at this point. We have many Punjabis migrating to USA, ‘Knneddaa’ (Canada) especially friends from our Sikh community. My friends, my dearest friends, friends belonging to the simplest of Pinds  in India. Most of them are even alien to city life. They live a pure life, talk simple, eat hearty and wear kurta pyjama. When they are exposed to foreign air, a physical reaction takes place. First, they lose their turban, then they lose their head and post both transformations they become the true Canadians, gorging on hamburgers, day and night.

They do sometimes visit India after accumulating enough wealth over the year. Then they give an account of big things, making them sound even bigger. Why do we take so much pride in another country’s development…we are not even treated as welcome citizens there.

Lately, we had this wedding season in November and early December. There was observed a conspicuous change in wedding wear. The traditional red/pink saris were replaced by gowns. Men too were forced to switch over to suits from sherwanis and kurtas. I am not against a cosmopolitan attitude in every domain. But a backless gown at auspicious functions such as reception of the bride by her in-laws is too much! And then, how can we miss bending our backs to touch the feet of elders. It would seem so rude and non-Indian. I wonder what blessings would escape out of trembling hands and shocked faces, on seeing their daughter-in-law attracting the much wanted bridal attention to unwanted areas. Added to this, the videographer is having the time of his life. He is seen doing his job even more efficiently, zooming in and out rapidly. See what a great ‘Monkey Show’ we put before the crowd to see. Even the drivers having chaat in the unseen corner can make out:

‘Bhabhiji bahar se aai hain.’

Do away with ‘Monday Morning Blues’!

Hi Friends,

We all suffer from Monday Morning Blues. How do we beat them? In my case, food and drinks help. See if your way to happiness is through your food pipe too. Allow these kooky home-made and self tried recipes to tantalize your taste buds. Mondays will never be depressing again!

Silky Spirit

21.1

Take 20 ml of premium expensive scotch/brandy in the conventional whisky glass. Melt 30 ml of dairy milk silk in microwave and pour it in the glass. Stir the contents to perfection. A thin layer of alcohol will still deposit on top. The above tastes best when we use Cherry brandy as base.

Choco-milk

21.2

We all have Bourn vita/Boost milk. This time add a pinch of salt to it and then sip it. You’ll feel as if the chocolate flavour has unlocked itself. There is some chemical reaction which cannot be noticed of course. Don’t worry it is totally safe. I have tried it many times and I am still breathing.

Twinkling Tangy

21.3

Take a slender glass with a capacity of 300 ml. Add 80 ml of sparkling white wine to it. The wine should be preferably sweet like litchi wine. Add 10 ml of honey to it. Add fresh strawberries or strawberry crush whichever is readily available. Take a fresh orange and pulp it into the mixture. Top it with orange juice. If you want to make it tangier, add fresh lemon juice to it.

Yolky-Doky

21.4

If you are a big fan of half-boiled eggs but fail to make them every time, I’ll help you out. Take 4 eggs in the Patila and add water just to submerge them 90%. Put the Patila on fire. Add a pinch of salt. Allow water to reach a stage where bubbles start forming i.e. very near to boiling stage. Now heat the vessel on full flame. Don’t cover it with a lid and make sure that the water doesn’t spill out from the sides.

* If you are using induction plate then boil for 12 minutes on full flame. Gas-stove users can reduce the time to 8-9 minutes.

Take out the eggs and peel carefully. Your perfect Yolky-Doky would be ready to gobble!

Stop Staa…aa…mmering!

Source: kidshealth.org

Source: kidshealth.org

‘If blindness is the worst curse God can give you; stammering is surely the second.’

–  Stranger I met in a bus in 3rd year of college.

‘I try to speak as little as possible in public. Not that I don’t want to, but I can’t.’

– My friend.

‘During my placement interviews, the interviewers focussed more attention on HOW I was speaking instead of WHAT I was telling them!’

– My close buddy & benefiter of this exercise.

I am not a speech therapist. Neither do I like boasting about my knowledge & experiences. The problem with me is that I did things in college and life at large which seemed insignificant at that point. Now, I want to share those insignificant learnings with you. Besides this, I had faced some similar speech problems during my stint at forced ambidexterity.

      And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

    Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,

    A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

                                                         –  Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (A Psalm of Life)

I know it’s very easy to list down the following activities and how difficult it is to put them into action. Still how bad do you want change ? One of my friends was even ready to pose all nude if he could just get rid of stammering and the accompanied shyness through it! Dude, it might help!

Step 1- Accept and Expose yourself. Do not try to hide that you stammer. In fact, approach all your friends boldly and talk confidently and stammer frequently. Yes do it! Once, this shyness is overcome, look to change yourself.

Step 2- Sing songs every day, every time. Any passerby should always hear you humming.

Step 3- Adopt a sing-song voice. Don’t say things. Sing things. Probably, this would make your friends around you laugh. Laugh with them and sing with them.

Step 4- After singing melodies, turn to rap. Not the English ones. I would suggest, go for Bollywood Honey Singh raps.

Step 5- Make raps impromptu when you are alone. Self-talk in rap. Think in rap.

Step 6- Take out 15 minutes from your busy schedule and live this moment…Imagine yourself to be successful and all the media is crowding next to you. They want to hear you comment on the cricket team’s performance OR the SENSEX OR where do you plan to spend your next summer vacations. Talk to them. Entertain them, amuse them. But all this while, you won’t be stammering. You won’t be pacing too fast or going too slow.

Some of you really are poor at fantasizing. No worries. Get yourself a talking buddy, a real one. She/he could be your mom/dad/brother/sister/best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend etc. Try not to bore her/him. Discuss nice ideas. If you are a girl, gossip!

Do this and magic will happen! A firm believer in the ‘Right to Confidence’, the most important right of every individual, I’ll end with my favourite quote.

‘Abhi bhi & kabhi bhi der nai hui’

– Nandu.

Decoding Gay Behaviour: Part I

decoding gay behaviour

Source: The Hindu

 

After seeing a lot of traffic on my blog yesterday, I could make out 1 thing. Many people were interested in it. Today, in this post we will try to understand or deliberate – should we tolerate Gay behaviour or not?

After going through some articles on the origin of homosexuality, I was thoroughly confused. The confusion was primarily this – is homosexuality an adaptation or genetic trait. There have been many unsuccessful researches and findings till now and we are still unsure. So I turned to animals. I considered animals because if they displayed homosexual behaviour on instinct, then man being no different may be allowed to do so.

I delved into 10-20 popular articles and there were 2 broad schools of thought.

Thought 1 – Animals do exhibit homosexual behaviour very similar to humans.

Thought 2 – Animals do display homosexual behaviour like genital rubbing etc. but only to co-exist peacefully in society, after minor battles over food and territory.

A widely demonstrated example was that of Bonobos (member of chimpanzee family). You may read about both, in many articles on Google. I’m just listing down 2 better ones which offer both opinions.

 

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn13674-evolution-myths-natural-selection-cannot-explain-homosexuality.html#.UqraHPQW3pt

 

http://www.narth.org/docs/animalmyth.html

 

Still, even if we consider both schools to be correct, there is another conflicting question…in animals we also see killing of babies and group mates which zoologists and wildlife scientists term as ‘Filicide’ & ‘Cannibalism’. Two typical examples are eating up of its eggs by snakes and killing of the previous cubs by the new leader of the pride, in case of lions.

If at all, we consider animals for this case too, then we have to permit ‘Infanticide’ too. We should also be ready to tolerate ‘Psychopaths’ and ‘Sociopaths’. Then again we have to resolve whether these 2 psychological problems are genetic or result of an adaptation/accident.

Not confusing my readers any further, I would like to end with the BIGGER question, which is

“How far should we go accommodating exceptions in our society?”

Whenever we come across the development of an aberrant group, will we be compliant every time? I repeat again, that I am not against gays/lesbians but if homosexuality is allowed then even eunuchs should be given a respectable place in society. Think over it.

 

 

Unhappiness is being Gay: Is the SC’s decision right?

Source : The Hindu

Source : The Hindu

This post is dedicated to my 2 gay friends, one who is very open about his orientation & the other who still feels ashamed and afraid to admit that he’s gay, in public. I do not have a problem with any of them.

We have all heard the Apex Court’s ruling on section 377. For those who are still unaware of the facts, let me help you out a bit. The case went as follows. Delhi HC bench- Justices G.S. Singhvi and S.J. Mukhopadhaya decriminalised same-sex relations or homosexuality in 2009. Yesterday, the Supreme Court ruled out the prior verdict completely, re-establishing the 150-year-old ‘constitutionally correct’ rule once again. Too sad, we are still forced to live in the same old times.

Anyways, you can read about the decision and other details in plenty, in news & in magazines. Everyone seems too excited to discuss the fuss. A majority of us are satisfied with the judgment. Why? Because GAYS are unnatural. They’ll infect the society with their abnormality. One of my friends was telling me that they’ll be responsible for spreading hepatitis-A worldwide. This is a logical argument, and we all respect logic. Before being too judgmental, bite on this: a majority of the world is having conventional sex and AIDS is also spreading in huge numbers proportionately. The disease whatever it may be, spreads due to lack of precaution or hygiene.

Another fear which many of my male friends including me have is this. We fear that once homosexuality is legalised it would be very difficult for us to intermingle in society in India. And particularly in India, because one we are overcrowded, two we have this bhaichara and both of them contribute to a healthy brotherly relationship between us. We are competing for scarce resources and positions; we can’t fight over sexual issues when we are standing butt to butt in the metro. We can’t shift in a shared auto, when 10 of us are squeezed into that three-wheeler. Knowing that my pillion rider on my two-wheeler is gay would stop making me offer lifts to strangers. There would be too many questions, too many doubts every time I see my friend fancying a pierced right ear. Slowly, we’ll have lesbians too. We have this innocuous principle followed in the typical middle class Indian families, of which I am a part too:-

‘Boys will play with boys; girls will play with girls.’

Once we allow homosexuality to flourish, ‘the playing’ would start on a serious note. But wait, that’s not the end of things. Someone will suddenly rise up one day and demand a special quota for the ‘GAY MEN’. And then how can we even dare to discriminate on the basis of gender. Lesbians would be given a reserved seat foremost. God knows who’ll get elected/nominated/selected for the respective posts/seats. I am sure the most glamorous and audacious ones would!

Having said this, I have a serious confusion. Are we born gay/lesbian or do we develop homosexuality? I want an expert to clear this. I know all of you reading this are experts on the subject, but I only want the officially certified ones to comment. Also, suggest a possible solution if someone is born gay or has developed into one. Counselling is the stupidest idea you can recommend for the latter. We all have seen the ‘sarkari nasha mukti kendras’ and how successful they are.

I do not intend to hurt any of the sentiments of my readers. I am not Gay and surely can’t imagine what they have to go through or they went through yesterday. But more importantly, I am not against the legalization of homosexuality and neither in favour of it; I am too confused and apprehensive at present. But so are all of us, aren’t we?